Jill's Blog entry

So I've been asking Jill to write a blog entry for about 6 months now. You know the old saying, the squeeky wheel gets the oil. She's finally agreed and this is what she wrote:

Mark has been asking me to do a blog entry forever. I have always told him no because well to be honest I don’t feel like I have a whole lot of interesting things to say. I actually have my own “secret” blog that no one knows about and I write in it every now and again. I like knowing that it is out there but also like knowing that no one that I know is reading it. I think I also don’t want to write because it makes me vulnerable. I am happy to be vulnerable talking to someone one on one…but writing something from my heart for whoever to read that is a bit tougher for me to allow myself to be exposed in that way.

So today I will write and what better to write about than whose blog this is and who I love dearly. Mark and I will be having our 10 year anniversary in a couple weeks (it is crazy to think that we have been married that long). If you have read any of Mark’s other entries you will know that we are not alike in most ways, in fact I would say that we see and experience life in the opposite way of each other. I think the beauty of our relationship is that we are such different people but are daily learning how to love each other in a better way. Allowing the other room to be who we are individually but coming together to support one another as a couple. Don’t get me wrong there have been definite periods of us wanting to force our own will on each other…it’s not easy giving to someone else. It takes sacrifice. The one thing that I do know from our marriage is that God is able to restore and start things new. To love richly.

It was told to us recently that there are people who think our relationship is unhealthy. People who are not apart of our life…just people who look through the window and cast judgment. I know that it shouldn’t bother me but it really does. I know how much Mark loves me and desires to see me be fulfilled in my life. In my life there has never been anyone who has given to me so deeply, challenged my thoughts & expectations of life, given me security, allowed me to be completely vulnerable and has put up with my insecurities & failures. It is the greatest thing to know that you are still loved in spite of all the imperfections and mistakes.

I know that I am loved and cherished. What more do I need. hfu

What to do?

What to do? Let’s say you have this room in your house that needs to be redecorated. It’s been used as a storage closet for the last couple of years but now it’s time to turn it into something different. You clear out the room, expose the walls, and box up the closet. Now you have this exposed room that is waiting for the masters touch. You stand at the entrance for a few moments and look around…trying to soak it all in. A few minutes go by of pure silence. In your stillness you feel the slight breeze of wind brush at your back. Your spouse has opened the back door letting the sunlight, the breeze and the size 4 shoes of a three-year-old scuttle across the floor. Your spouse sees you standing under the door frame and goes to stand by your side. The two of you stand in collective silence and stare at the empty space. You speak first and say something like, “what do you think we should do?” Your spouse responds, “I’m not sure.” “Well, I was thinking of painting it to something green.” “nah, no green.” “blue?” “nah, no blue.” “how about something in earth tones?” “nah, no earthtones…ohh, I got it, how about turning it into an arcade?” “What?” And then you think, how did my pleasant canvas of a room get turned into an arcade? And in summary…this is what it must be like to be my wife.

Jill and I recently got into a fight that was something similar to this scenario. Although I would love an arcade at my house, that’s not what the fight was really about. The fight was more about “that’s not what I want…well that’s not what I want…where do we go from here.” Well, deep down inside, and I mean deep, just between you and me…I really believe I could talk Jill into doing what I want. I can be a real smooth talking asshole sometimes. I once convinced Jill it was okay for me to buy a motorcycle (Yamaha YZF 600, it was awesome). I even shocked myself with that one. The problem is that I really do want Jill to have all that her heart wishes for. I love her…I love her a lot. But part of what her heart wishes for looks different than what I find desirable. My mind says, give her what she wants…but at the same time I can’t stop my heart from wanting something else. I truly believe that Jill feels the same way. There never was a conclusion to the argument other than, “I’m sorry, I wish I felt different for your sake.” “Me too.”

The problem with this kind of discussion is that nobody is “wrong”. Usually I take my fair share of being erroneous. But with this scenario, no one is to blame. So I go back to the original question, what to do? Honestly I have no answer. The only thing that makes the discussion even reasonable is the fact that we truly love each other. I said these words on my wedding day and I believe them to be true today. It’s from the book of Ruth.
Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay.
Your people will be my people and your God my God.
Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried.
May the Lord deal with me, if anything but death separates you and me

seth runs over israel

Here is a funny video from our time at A-basin. Israel was going to attempt a jump and never really made it. Seth however was not going to be slowed down by Israel.

Only a one way journey - Happy Birthday Iz (Part 2)

Part 2
Saturday:
This was the main reason why we drove to Denver. We woke up early morning and headed to Arapahoe Basin for a day of snowboarding. (or A-basin as the locals say) It was the perfect conditions. Weather was in the mid forties and 9 inches of fresh powder over the last couple of days. What more can you ask for in May? Sam ate French toast in the lodge and studied for finals while the three of us tore up the mountain. Probably one of the best boarding days I’ve ever had. I called it quits a little bit early and went to the RV for a shower and nap. An hour later the whole crew was back together. We left the mountain and headed into Denver. We stopped over by the Red Rocks for dinner to meet up with some of Sam’s old friends. This was an interesting experience on many levels. The most intriguing was the fact that all his old friends are hard core republicans. This didn’t go over well when Sam unzipped his jacket and revealed an Arizonans for Obama t-shirt. It was quite humorous, well at least three of us were laughing, sorry Sam.

We drove into downtown Denver looking for a place to park the Majestic, that is the name of our RV. We drove in circles for hours looking for the right spot. First we were going to park on a street with no meters until we noticed all the broken glass on the ground. Yeah, it was from all the broken windows, that’s not a good sign. Then we were going to park at an abandoned building. It looked safe enough but we feared being towed. Finally Sam talked to a security guard about finding a safe place to park and he recommends the empty lot behind the building he is watching. We’re all grateful for the advise and drive to this empty lot. We negotiate through a really tight alley, remember I’m driving a huge RV in downtown Denver. We make it to this back lot and Seth is laughing, “I don’t know man, it looks kind of shady.” Shady is an understatement. There is graffiti everywhere, abandoned cars, broken dog kennels, and a chain link fence that somebody took a wire cutter to. We were all pretty frustrated but couldn’t help but laugh, it was all part of the experience. At last we decided to check out Union Station right off of 16th street. We had to pay 14 dollars to park but it was well worth it. The spot was even better than we thought…starbucks across the street, directly on 16th street, and much safer.

Sunday:
Sunday was the most laid back of all the days. Sam and I were the first to wake up. We walked over to Starbucks to get some coffee to go. We brought it back to the RV where we busted out the lawn chairs and just shared stories for about an hour. We woke the other guys up and walked to a breakfast spot right in downtown. The original plan was to rent scooters but all the places were closed. Instead Sam decided to go to the rockies game which was only four blocks away. And the rest of us went to Cinco De Mayo festival at the capitol. It kind of sucked but there was one highlight.

The three of us were sitting down eating lunch when a girl approached and asked for directions. We told her we didn’t know because we just got into town. That didn’t matter to her, because she decided to sit down and start a conversation. She was nice and all, but definitely kind of crazy. Two minutes later I realize why she asked for directions…it’s my man Seth she wants directions from. She’s throwin out the vibe but Seth definitely wasn’t catching. I decided to help move things along by asking Iz to throw the Frisbee with me…you know, for some alone time. Seth fires over a death stare. Five minutes later Seth turns around and says, “hey guys, sam is waiting for us.” Which translates to, get me out of here. I look at Seth with a huge smile and say, “nah man, he can wait. I’m in no hurry.” I thought Seth’s eyes were going to pop out of his head. Eventually we came to the rescue and headed back to the RV. We spent the rest of the afternoon in the Union Station parking lot relaxing on lawn chairs and throwing the frisbee.

Monday:
Our adventure was coming to a close. If this was a sitcom, we had one final episode. Renting a RV is an amazing experience that I recommend everyone doing at least once in a lifetime. But there is a major downside. The RV has a toilet and it gets used. It is the renters responsibility to return the RV with empty septic tanks. Normally you could take it to a RV park for dumping but we were running low on time. I looked at the fellas and said, “we gotta do it.” All agreed that there was only one way. We pulled up to an empty parking lot close to the freeway. (I’m apologizing to the ones that find this gross and offensive) The four of us looked at each other and said, “alright, who’s going to pull the lever.” The reason this is so risky is because the lever is right next to the opening where the “stuff” comes out. Israel says, “guys, I’ll do it.” Like a champion taking one for the team…we all say a prayer. Israel steps around to the driver side, leans down, and puts his hand on the lever marked “black water”. Three, two, one…pull. Whoosh goes the “black water”, Israel almost didn’t escape in time. It’s kind of illegal to do this so we didn’t stick around. We thought it was a better idea to drive down the street with black water streaming out. It was awesome.

Sam and Seth had noon flights while Iz and I weren’t leaving till 7. We made it to the airport and said our goodbyes. Iz and I had enough time to go to the Coors factory. We went on the tour and got our wives some t-shirts. (I’m sorry Jill if it’s too small) All in all this adventure is on my top 3 list of all time. I’m only sharing one tenth of the stories that live in my head. I’m mildly depressed that I might not get to experience this again in my lifetime. It is something I will always remember.

Final thought: This whole thing came together for one reason. It was for my friend Israel. Here is a portion of an email I sent to him about a year ago.

you are my brother from another mother. I have never been so honest and so close to another guy in my life. i could write a book of all our adventures, and then right two more sequels…that’s how many stories we share. Thank you for always loving and never judging. Thanks for the kick in the pants when I need it. Thanks for writing a song about my son. Thanks for your soft heart and gentle spirit. You have taught me so much over the years, more than a lifetime of learning.

Happy 30th Israel.

Only a one way journey - Happy Birthday Iz (Part1)

I’m currently flying home from a trip to Denver. I’m sunburned, I miss my family terribly, and I’m exhausted…that being said, it was one of the greatest adventures I’ve ever been on. This whole excursion was my way of saying happy 30th birthday to my friend Israel. This is a party I’ve been planning for about 6 months. It has taken many different forms but the final result is better than I imagined. I hope this doesn’t bore you…but I’ll attempt to bring you through our journey, it’s a long one so I broke it into two parts.

Thursday:
Six months of imagination has come to a climax on this very day. All the details and preparation have finally made it to physical form. I could call it a vacation, but the word adventure seems more appropriate. This is the day I load up the RV and prepare for our drive from Phoenix to Denver. It’s only a one way journey so everything we experience, everything we do, every decision we make…is happening for the first time every time. But this isn’t something that can be done alone, so I call on the assistance of a few others…namely Seth and Sam. I’ve spent the last hour pacing back and forth waiting for their arrival. I know that after they arrive the adventure has officially begun. I do a few last minute checks to kill time and it’s just enough. Seth and Sam show up and we load their stuff in about 20 seconds…okay maybe 30 seconds. We drive down the street to Israel’s house. (he only lives 6 houses away) I put the 25 foot beast into park and start to honk the horn like mad. The three of us are overflowing with excitement…like three girls going to a Miley Cyrus concert. Israel opens the door of his house, looks outside, and gets a huge smile on his face. He looks at Kati, then at the RV, then at Kati, then at the RV, then at Kati, then at the RV…this time he didn’t look back. It was time to hit the road. First stop, Flagstaff.

I will quote Israel when I say, “this was the quickest trip to Flagstaff I have ever had.” If this drive to Flagstaff was a drink, it would be one part belvedere, one part 50 cent, two parts testosterone, and one part “I can’t believe this is happening”. This is an expensive drink but the best I have ever had. I park the RV at the train station for the night and call it home. We got dinner at Beaver Street and played pool into the wee hours of the night.

Friday:
I told the guys if we do the most work on this day that we could spend more time relaxing. Seth, Sam, and I went to a coffee shop to plan out our route to Keystone Colorado. Sam charted a course and by 7:30 we were on the road…Israel still asleep of course. Three hours later Sam makes me a turkey sandwich without ever having to take my foot off the gas pedal…Israel still asleep of course. After six hours of conversation on topics such as religion, politics, marriage, and sex, we arrive in Moab Utah…Israel still asleep of course. We decided to get some lunch while in Moab. Israel slumbers out of bed and we settled on a microbrew restaurant. An hour and a half later we were back on the road.

The drive from Moab to Keystone was amazing. Most of it hugged the Colorado River which made for a very distracted driver…namely, me. The first part of the drive felt like I was driving through the Grand Canyon. It had the same kind of canyon walls on each side with the winding Colorado craving its way through. While driving I say to Seth, “this is so beautiful, how much for you to jump in the river right now?” I must tell you that it is about 55 degrees outside…so that would make the water around 45. Seth says, “100 dollars.” “No way man you’re crazy, that’s too much.” Israel says from the table, “I’ll do it for 20 bucks.” Five minutes later Israel is standing at the bank of the mighty Colorado in just his red boxers. I think his nerves were rattled by the signs that said, "no swimming/strong undercurrent". We just told him to stop being a “gi-na”. Israel didn’t disappoint, he dunked in the water and took it like a man. Six more hours and a total of 606 miles we made it to Keystone. We parked in a Starbucks parking lot and played it low key. It was like being in a hotel, wi-fi access and fresh coffee in the morning.

(to be continued)