So Sunday was our final service at onePlace. I can honetly say that I'm at peace. But being at peace doesn't mean I'm not broken hearted. This has been such an amazing journey, one that I never would have chosen, but one that I couldn't have lived without. I will probably write more about this community in the future, but I thought that I would start off by sharing my final essay to the church. This was the last one in a series of writings:
I've started writing something three times now, and every time I feel like the words I've written were not good enough. I guess there can only be one reason why…because they aren’t. How do I use words to describe this journey that I’ve had? How do I verbalize how much this church means to me? I don’t think it is possible. When I close my eyes I see a thousand images that make my heart tremble. I see Israel closing his eyes during worship and it looks as if nobody else is in the room except for him and God. I see Jeremiah playing spider bites with my son after the service. I see my wife standing in the back of the room with her arms stretched as wide as they will go and I know that whatever she is saying to God, it’s enough to move mountains. I see the medallion on Maggie’s wrist as she is dedicated to God. I see Errol with one arm around his kids and the other arm to the heavens during worship because old worship songs still make him cry. I see Kevin sitting around a table of community leaders as he lays his beliefs on the line and fights for social change. I see myself at the communion table begging God…broken, raw, and honest saying, “Don’t you dare forget about my wife, she has loved you for too many years. Don’t you let go of her. Not now, not ever.” How do I put these moments of my life into words? It’s not possible.
Three months ago when I closed the service I did something strange and accidental. Sometimes Kevin, Israel, or I would go up after the final worship set and say a closing. It would usually goes something like this, “Thank you for coming tonight. Don’t forget about blah blah blah. We’ll see you next week.” So on this particular Sunday night I decided to do a closing, nothing out of the ordinary, just the same spiel. So I go through the routine and I say, “Thank you for coming tonight. Don’t forget about blah blah blah. We’ll see you next week.” But this time I added in something by accident. I ended with “we’ll see you next week…and…I love you guys.” This was so strange; it was like an accidental…I love you. It wasn’t strange that I said it but that it came out like a reflex. Many pastors will give a benediction at the end of the service. My old pastor used to give a really good one that goes like,
“The Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make his face shine upon you, and be gracious to you, the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.”
That is so beautiful but it’s not really me. This moment made me realize that my heart is so closely connected with my community that it only seems natural that my benediction comes out like…I love you. From that day forward, the I love you’s were no accident…my heart knew what it was saying. I thought for my final essay I would write a closing benediction…it may not be a beautiful one, but it’s coming from the real me. So here it goes.
May you lay your fears aside and pursue the things God has called you to with ferocity and persistence. May you tread lightly on the ground God has paved and when your steps get too heavy may God lay you low. May you find truth in the beautifully simple things and may the beautifully simple things make your life full. I pray you smile more often, laugh a little louder, and buy more flowers. And as I have said ten thousand times, may you not see God from afar, that you would not be satisfied with the shadow or silhouette of God. May you fight and struggle to climb the mountain because your heart is not satisfied with anything less than seeing him face to face. May you have many personal encounters with Christ over your lifetime. And it is no accident that I say this, but without a doubt, I love you guys. Thank you for loving me in spite of all my failures. Thank you for all the prayers. Thank you for serving with me. Thank you for the grandest adventure of my life. Thank you for letting me be…your pastor.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Jett is the best medicine
I woke up this morning around 7:30 and my back was aching like mad. Jill says to me, “go make an appointment with Alex, you know he can get you in today.” “Nah, it’s not that bad.” “Mark, why are you so stubborn?” “Ahhhhh……well…….why are you so stubborn?” “Nice come back.” So instead of going to see a chiropractor I decided to lie in bed and bemoan over my discomfort. At 8:00 I decided to lie down and try to relax…I was just feeling tense.
Fifteen minutes later Jett walks up to me and says, “are you going to sleep daddy?” I just nod my head yes. Then he says, “do you want me to snuggle with you?” Again, I nod my head yes. The next thing I know he bolts out of the room and returns about 10 seconds later. Jett grabbed one of the blankets out of the closet and hopped up on the bed. He moved some of the pillows around and put his head close to mine. I asked him, “will you hold my hand?” Jett grabs my left hand with both of his and just lies next to me for the next minute. Then he pops up and says, “oh I forgot something.” Again he bolts out of the room and returns about 10 seconds later. This time he hops up on the bed with nothing in hand. I asked him what he forgot, but he doesn’t say anything. A few moments later Jill walks in the door holding Cadence and she’s, “what did you need Dylan?” He responds with, “come snuggle with me and daddy.” So the four of us laid together and that is how I fell asleep. I woke up 2 hours later with no back pain at all. My conclusion, Jett is the best medicine.
Fifteen minutes later Jett walks up to me and says, “are you going to sleep daddy?” I just nod my head yes. Then he says, “do you want me to snuggle with you?” Again, I nod my head yes. The next thing I know he bolts out of the room and returns about 10 seconds later. Jett grabbed one of the blankets out of the closet and hopped up on the bed. He moved some of the pillows around and put his head close to mine. I asked him, “will you hold my hand?” Jett grabs my left hand with both of his and just lies next to me for the next minute. Then he pops up and says, “oh I forgot something.” Again he bolts out of the room and returns about 10 seconds later. This time he hops up on the bed with nothing in hand. I asked him what he forgot, but he doesn’t say anything. A few moments later Jill walks in the door holding Cadence and she’s, “what did you need Dylan?” He responds with, “come snuggle with me and daddy.” So the four of us laid together and that is how I fell asleep. I woke up 2 hours later with no back pain at all. My conclusion, Jett is the best medicine.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
short but sweet
Here is a short one for you guys.
Jill has been looking for new music to play while she and the kids are driving. She went through our cd case and found a kids sing along cd. She pops it in for some variety. As soon as it comes on, Jett says, "I don't like this music, I want more rock and roll songs." My son is already a music critic and I can't be more proud.
Nole and I came up with a plan to get our kids to form a band and then we can retire off their fame. Little nole on drums (obviously), Cadence on bass (because girls who play bass are awesome), Jett on electric guitar (we've been working on face melting solos as well as stage presence), and Maggie-mooberry-pie on lead vocals (she'll be known as the artist formerly known as "Dramatic Twist") It's going to be epic. I'm just living the dream, man.
Jill has been looking for new music to play while she and the kids are driving. She went through our cd case and found a kids sing along cd. She pops it in for some variety. As soon as it comes on, Jett says, "I don't like this music, I want more rock and roll songs." My son is already a music critic and I can't be more proud.
Nole and I came up with a plan to get our kids to form a band and then we can retire off their fame. Little nole on drums (obviously), Cadence on bass (because girls who play bass are awesome), Jett on electric guitar (we've been working on face melting solos as well as stage presence), and Maggie-mooberry-pie on lead vocals (she'll be known as the artist formerly known as "Dramatic Twist") It's going to be epic. I'm just living the dream, man.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Close, But No Cigar
“it says a five second stream, so don’t short change it.”
“well its not actually in my control”
“I want to make sure the proper amount of hormones get on it”
“alright leave me alone”
(15 seconds later)
“mark, don’t move it”
“just over here where I can see”
(30 seconds later)
“hovering over it won’t make it go any faster”
“jill, I’m not hovering, I’m just looking”
(30 seconds later)
“well, what does it say”
“it says you’re not pregnant”
“see, I told you so”
This morning turned out to be quite a thrill ride. Jett went to swim lessons with a friend and Cadence just laid down for her nap. Jill and I don’t get many opportunities to sit down and just talk without interruption. So we laid on the bed and started to talk about the day ahead. I was secretly hoping that it would lead to other things, wink wink. But instead, while Jill was in mid sentence, she jumps up and says “I’m going to throw up.” I thought, “maybe Jill is not in the mode for ‘other things’”. But my second thought was, “oh shit, Jill only gets like this when she’s prego.” Jill was dry heaving in the bathroom sink and I started yelling, “oh my gosh, you are totally pregnant!” Between heaves Jill mutters out, “no I’m not.” Then I said, “it’s totally obvious, how else do you explain your crazy mood swings…you know over…the last…few…” That was not a good idea. Jill’s face was not amused. “Well that’s not important any more, you’re pregnant!” Within seconds I’m driving down the street to CVS and picking up an EPT test. Well, an EPT test and a burrito from Carl’s Jr. I got home and Jill took the test right away. You know the result.
To be honest with you I’m kind of bummed. The thought of Jill being pregnant is kind of exciting. Well, exciting for me, because I don’t have to deal with carrying extra weight, always being hot, and having uncomfortable sleep. But the idea of celebrating new life at this point in our journey would be fitting. I always felt like our kids came at just the right moment…like God was sending us a special gift when we needed it most. Life is the most amazing thing…more amazing than the changing of seasons, more amazing than the formation of the mountains, more amazing than every star in the sky. Everything we do in life we bare witness to. But in this one special case, God has given to women the ability to create something eternal…that is unmatched in all the world. I never thought I would be this excited about having kids…about being a father. It may not be on this day…but maybe tomorrow.
“well its not actually in my control”
“I want to make sure the proper amount of hormones get on it”
“alright leave me alone”
(15 seconds later)
“mark, don’t move it”
“just over here where I can see”
(30 seconds later)
“hovering over it won’t make it go any faster”
“jill, I’m not hovering, I’m just looking”
(30 seconds later)
“well, what does it say”
“it says you’re not pregnant”
“see, I told you so”
This morning turned out to be quite a thrill ride. Jett went to swim lessons with a friend and Cadence just laid down for her nap. Jill and I don’t get many opportunities to sit down and just talk without interruption. So we laid on the bed and started to talk about the day ahead. I was secretly hoping that it would lead to other things, wink wink. But instead, while Jill was in mid sentence, she jumps up and says “I’m going to throw up.” I thought, “maybe Jill is not in the mode for ‘other things’”. But my second thought was, “oh shit, Jill only gets like this when she’s prego.” Jill was dry heaving in the bathroom sink and I started yelling, “oh my gosh, you are totally pregnant!” Between heaves Jill mutters out, “no I’m not.” Then I said, “it’s totally obvious, how else do you explain your crazy mood swings…you know over…the last…few…” That was not a good idea. Jill’s face was not amused. “Well that’s not important any more, you’re pregnant!” Within seconds I’m driving down the street to CVS and picking up an EPT test. Well, an EPT test and a burrito from Carl’s Jr. I got home and Jill took the test right away. You know the result.
To be honest with you I’m kind of bummed. The thought of Jill being pregnant is kind of exciting. Well, exciting for me, because I don’t have to deal with carrying extra weight, always being hot, and having uncomfortable sleep. But the idea of celebrating new life at this point in our journey would be fitting. I always felt like our kids came at just the right moment…like God was sending us a special gift when we needed it most. Life is the most amazing thing…more amazing than the changing of seasons, more amazing than the formation of the mountains, more amazing than every star in the sky. Everything we do in life we bare witness to. But in this one special case, God has given to women the ability to create something eternal…that is unmatched in all the world. I never thought I would be this excited about having kids…about being a father. It may not be on this day…but maybe tomorrow.
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