Final Essay

So Sunday was our final service at onePlace. I can honetly say that I'm at peace. But being at peace doesn't mean I'm not broken hearted. This has been such an amazing journey, one that I never would have chosen, but one that I couldn't have lived without. I will probably write more about this community in the future, but I thought that I would start off by sharing my final essay to the church. This was the last one in a series of writings:


I've started writing something three times now, and every time I feel like the words I've written were not good enough. I guess there can only be one reason why…because they aren’t. How do I use words to describe this journey that I’ve had? How do I verbalize how much this church means to me? I don’t think it is possible. When I close my eyes I see a thousand images that make my heart tremble. I see Israel closing his eyes during worship and it looks as if nobody else is in the room except for him and God. I see Jeremiah playing spider bites with my son after the service. I see my wife standing in the back of the room with her arms stretched as wide as they will go and I know that whatever she is saying to God, it’s enough to move mountains. I see the medallion on Maggie’s wrist as she is dedicated to God. I see Errol with one arm around his kids and the other arm to the heavens during worship because old worship songs still make him cry. I see Kevin sitting around a table of community leaders as he lays his beliefs on the line and fights for social change. I see myself at the communion table begging God…broken, raw, and honest saying, “Don’t you dare forget about my wife, she has loved you for too many years. Don’t you let go of her. Not now, not ever.” How do I put these moments of my life into words? It’s not possible.

Three months ago when I closed the service I did something strange and accidental. Sometimes Kevin, Israel, or I would go up after the final worship set and say a closing. It would usually goes something like this, “Thank you for coming tonight. Don’t forget about blah blah blah. We’ll see you next week.” So on this particular Sunday night I decided to do a closing, nothing out of the ordinary, just the same spiel. So I go through the routine and I say, “Thank you for coming tonight. Don’t forget about blah blah blah. We’ll see you next week.” But this time I added in something by accident. I ended with “we’ll see you next week…and…I love you guys.” This was so strange; it was like an accidental…I love you. It wasn’t strange that I said it but that it came out like a reflex. Many pastors will give a benediction at the end of the service. My old pastor used to give a really good one that goes like,
“The Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make his face shine upon you, and be gracious to you, the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.”
That is so beautiful but it’s not really me. This moment made me realize that my heart is so closely connected with my community that it only seems natural that my benediction comes out like…I love you. From that day forward, the I love you’s were no accident…my heart knew what it was saying. I thought for my final essay I would write a closing benediction…it may not be a beautiful one, but it’s coming from the real me. So here it goes.

May you lay your fears aside and pursue the things God has called you to with ferocity and persistence. May you tread lightly on the ground God has paved and when your steps get too heavy may God lay you low. May you find truth in the beautifully simple things and may the beautifully simple things make your life full. I pray you smile more often, laugh a little louder, and buy more flowers. And as I have said ten thousand times, may you not see God from afar, that you would not be satisfied with the shadow or silhouette of God. May you fight and struggle to climb the mountain because your heart is not satisfied with anything less than seeing him face to face. May you have many personal encounters with Christ over your lifetime. And it is no accident that I say this, but without a doubt, I love you guys. Thank you for loving me in spite of all my failures. Thank you for all the prayers. Thank you for serving with me. Thank you for the grandest adventure of my life. Thank you for letting me be…your pastor.