the day it turned around

So over the last three weeks Jill and I have been bickering with each other. Some of it has turned out kind of intense and some of it was just over exaggerated differences of opinion. It’s not like there is one fight I can look back on and say “this is the straw that broke and camels back”, but it’s simply been a steady season of conflict. It’s like there was a dark cloud over our household. Serious enough to where I spent hours talking to Israel about marriage and Jill came home with a bill from the counselor. During these seasons we don’t talk much, little things become big things, hugs are like embracing telephone poles, and worst of all, Jill would make a better friend than a lover if you know what I mean. So something changed on Monday…it was pretty dramatic how fast things turned around.

For those of you that don’t know I’ve got the best job in the world where I sell stuff to people. It’s always what I dreamed about doing when I turned 30. It’s awesome. On a more serious note, I do love working with my friend Kenny (aka Israel). It’s what makes the job so manageable. We carpool three days a week and usually spend the thirty minute drive to the dream-killing-cubicle-of-apathy talking about where we want to be. We dream about playing music, moving somewhere different, and starting new adventures. Who knows if it will ever come true but for that short time we trick ourselves into forgetting that we are driving to work at 4:30 in the morning. And let me tell you, morning and I don’t have a good relationship.

Monday morning Israel and I made it to work by 5am and it was time to start assisting our east coast customers. The morning was going really slow so we decided to start looking on craigslist at rental properties in San Diego. We would look at 7 bedroom 5000 sqft mansions and talk about how we could live their and split the rent. (like I said, Israel and I are dreamers) I was finishing up my first sale of the day at 6am when I felt my phone start to vibrate. Nobody is calling me at six in the morning unless it’s something serious. I grabbed my phone and saw Jill on the caller ID. I answered the phone and heard Jill say in a weak voice, “I’m not feeling well.” “What happened Jill?” “Dylan found me on the bathroom floor. I think I scared him…I must have passed out.” Jill didn’t even have the strength to get her own phone…she made Jett run downstairs to get it. I logged out of my computer, grabbed the keys from Israel, and bolted for the door. Kati went over to our house until I got home.

By the time I made it home Jill had regained the strength to make it back to the bed. I spoke to Kati briefly to get an update and then ran up stairs. Jill was curled up in a ball lying on her side. “How are you feeling?” “I’m feeling better now…I’m just a little scared. Will you lie next to me?” I crawled into bed, pulled the sheet over, put my arm around her, and told her that I loved her. Within a few hours Jill was feeling back to normal and to this day we don’t really know what happened that morning. That was the moment everything had turned around.

But it wasn’t what happened at home that made the difference; it’s what happened on the drive home. On the thirty minute drive back I spent the time thinking about all the ways that Jill fulfills me instead of nit picking at the ways I want her change. Instead of picking her apart with my own ideals, I spent time reflecting on the completeness of what makes her beautiful. We might have been fighting over the last three weeks but I realized some things about our marriage. Our love still has the strength to cut through anger. My heart still quivers when my wife is scared. Coming home is always better than going away. And my life is definitely more complete with her than without her. May I have more thirty minute drives home without the threat of loneliness.