Tuesday, November 20, 2007

what to say

Kevin, the guy I co-lead oneplace with, just had a grandmother pass away today. She had a stroke a couple of weeks back so it didn't come as a total surprise. But the process of watching someone pass is excruciating. My dad once said, it's like watching someone drown, you can't turn away and you can't do anything about it. I could sense the weight he has carried for his mom. I have aways struggled with what to say in these moments. CS Lewis talks about his wife passing away and says, "Offer me prays and love, I'll accept it...offer me religion and I shall assume you don't understand." Religion might give you factual answers, but it doesn't change the fact that thanksgiving is going to have sad memories, that kev and grandma will not get to share stories anymore, that kev's parents will cry more than they laugh over the next couple months. I once spent some time looking for hospice care. My mind was numb and I was feeling wore out from life. Before I left one of the facilities a guy said to me, "I'm sorry for what you are going through." I felt as if he related with my pain...like he had been through the process before. So now I've adopted the phrase as my own. It's my way of saying, I understand...I wish I could stop the pain. Kev, my heart is with you.

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