Part of the reason we decided to go to Oregon was to spend some time with our friends Nole and Carrie. They live in Bend which is a beautiful community a lot like Flagstaff, just nicer and cleaner. There were many things I was looking forward to doing like going to the snow, playing poker with Nole, and sharing a beer with other friends in the area. We did all of those things but one story stands out above the rest.
“Hey Mark, I know this sounds weird, but I’ve got to go soak in the tub for 15 minutes” I say to Nole with a slight chuckle, “What?” He proceeds to tell me that it is part of the doctors orders. Now this next bit of information was probably meant to be kept quiet, but we’re all friends. Nole has hemorrhoids. Because of this Nole must soak in hot water three times a day. Usually his soak time happens after he gets home from school around 4 o’clock.
I was sleeping on the couch when Nole came home. In fact the whole family was sleeping. We exchanged hello’s for a second and talked about the game plan for the rest of the night. “Alright man, I’ve got to soak.” Nole exists the room. I hear the water turn on. I start to drift back to sleep. There is no question Nole is in full soak mode. What could possibly interrupt his 15 minutes of relaxation?
Then all of a sudden in the midst of my half conscious slumber I hear a 3 year old voice say, “I have to go pee.” Being half awake gives me the ability to think about saying “don’t go in the bathroom”, but being half asleep prevents me from getting the words out. Jett charges for the bathroom, pulls on the doorknob, and flings the door open. The next 5 seconds could be described as frozen horror…both Nole and Jett caught like deer in the headlights. They are both so shocked neither of them knows what to do. Jett still has to pee and it's not like Nole can get up and leave. Well it gets worse. Three year olds sometimes need help going to the bathroom. Jill sees Jett charge for the bathroom so it is her instinct to help him out. Five seconds after Jett arrives in the bathroom Jill does. All I hear is Jill say, “oh my gosh.” Nole again, caught in frozen horror. Jill yells for me and says can you help me, please come shut this door. I pop off the couch and walk towards the bathroom where I see Jill covering her mouth and laughing (or gagging, I can’t tell). I get to the bathroom and this is what I see. Nole is soaking in the tub, playing online poker, and using his laptop to cover his private parts. This is why Nole makes me laugh every time we talk.
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5 comments:
I'm at school right now, and people literally turned around to see what was so funny.
My wind tunnel was collapsing I was laughing so hard. It sounded like a donkey choking on 2x4.
I so wish I was there to see that happen.
I can't wait until Nole's students find this post...that'll be classic.
Just for clarification...I DID NOT SEE ANYTHING! The story continues with Jett still needing to go to the bathroom (there is only one in the house) so we ask if it is ok for him to go outside. Nole answers a quick yes. I take Jett outside to go pee. Nole says later to Mark and I that we don't need to ask to let Jett go outside to play...we answer him with...Oh, we meant for him to go to the bathroom outside. There was much laughter.
hey man, sorry about mentioning the rhoids. Jill said that it was mean of me. But i don't think it's anything to be embarrassed of. it either means you're a strong pooper or you can leg press like 500 pounds.
After all the great conversations we had, then fun times we spent together, this was your favorite moment!!!
OK, it was pretty funny. And I don't care that you told everyone. If it makes people laugh, then I am happy to tell people that I have rhoids.
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